“Mommy get up! I wan’ Mommy get up!”
It was only 5:00 a.m. and my two-year-old was patting my face with her open palm.
I tried to negotiate for five more minutes.
She wasn’t having it.
Leone yelled so loudly that she almost roused James, who can sleep through a dynamite explosion next to his head if it’s first thing in the morning.
I stumbled upright, cursing myself for staying up late playing hearts with friends and reading the second book of the Hunger Games series.
The heat doesn’t go on until 7 a.m. and it’s COLD in our house. So I suggested a bath. The warm water was almost as cozy as the bed.
I slid down until I was lying on my side, with even my face partially submerged, my toddler happily playing by my side.
That’s when it happened.
The great bathtub disaster
Leone was as shocked as I was.
We looked at the brown gunk that was now floating around the bathtub and neither of us, at first, was sure what it was.
Leone started doing poop in the potty at seven weeks and hasn’t pooped her pants since she was about 11 months old. She hasn’t EVER pooped in the tub or had any kind of bathtub disaster.
In twelve years of parenting this is the first time I’ve had to deal with fecal matter in the bath water.
I hustled us both out of the water, my brain buzzing with questions: How to clean a mostly diarrhea poop out of the tub? How to keep the more solid pieces from going down the drain? How is this bathtub disaster happening so early in the a.m.?
In the 19th century classic, The American Frugal Housewife, Lydia Maria Child suggests spicy peppers in the morning to liven a phlegmatic disposition.
I’ve got a better Wake Up Fast Method: lie in the tub with your mouth partially in the water when your 24-month-old daughter thinks she needs to fart.
Your PlusSizePregnancy says
Oh. My. That is not a nice way to start the day. I hope you got it cleaned up ok.
Roxanne says
Seriously. Ick.
George says
Same thing happened to us when we were babysitting a friend’s daughter. We were put her in the tub with our son (both were preschoolers and knew each other well). When it happened, our little guest denied it was her. But we knew better. Thanks for the memories, Jennifer. Gah.
sheryl says
That is surely a really, really bad wakeup call…
Kate says
That is SO disgusting… I hope you both took a good long shower after that one. Hopefully she’s learned and it won’t happen again!
Sue says
Good morning! Wow, I thought there was nothing worse than my alarm clock at 7 AM. Boy, was I wrong. I’m kind of half curious about how you got the poop out of the tub, but the smarter part of me doesn’t want to know. I”m sure you won’t get an infection!
Shoshanah Dubiner says
Oy vey, Jennifer. But you took it in stride. How’s Leone doing? What was the expression on HER face? Lov yah.
Lauren says
Wow! I just read this, so this information is too late. But a small amount of bleach in water would have been fine for cleaning. As far as E. coli, it is likely that you and Leone have nearly identical intestinal microbiota. You probably weren’t going to get E. coli, but of course washing your mouth out/not swallowing the water was a good idea.
What a morning!