It’s Time to Stop Rushing Our Kids
“Whaddya doing Max?” a father shouted at his 5-year-old when his son stood looking longingly at the snack bar. “We came here to go on the water slides! We’re going on the water slides! C’mon!”
The little boy reluctantly but obediently turned to follow his father.
I watched them get in line. It was a hot summer day but the waterslides at Emigrant Lake were not too crowded. This was the first time we had been to them and I couldn’t help thinking we had found the perfect activity for a Friday afternoon.
But the man’s impatient words to his son were disconcertingly familiar.
They reminded me of my father-in-law. They reminded me of myself.
When we still lived in Massachusetts every year a touring fair would come to the Amherst Commons. It was sleezy and thrilling, the way small touring fairs tend to be. My father-in-law was visiting us from Buffalo the same weekend of the fair.
He strode onto the Commons and bought a packet of tickets. My girls, ages two and three, clambered onto the carousel and held onto their horses with white knuckled grips, their mouths open in wide-eyed delight. The new baby, in a front pack, snuggled deeper into my chest and sighed contently.
After the ride my girls lingered to watch contestants try to reach the top of a rock wall on the side of a truck.
“C’mon,” my father-in-law motioned, putting his hands on their backs and herding them in another direction. Then he walked in front of them. “Hurry up,” he called over his shoulder. There was impatience in his voice. “We’ve got to go on the next ride!”
Hurry up? To the next ride? Better go as quickly as you can so you can go on the electric choo choo train. Come on!
It was easy to feel annoyed at my father-in-law. When James and I talked about it later he had the unpleasant memory of being a very small child and always being rushed. But it is harder to admit that if you ask every parent in the room who’s unnecessarily hurried their kids when there was no reason, my hand would be the first one up.
Stop rushing: the habit of hurrying can be harmful
Hurry becomes a habit. So does scolding. Even when there’s nothing to be late for really, even when no one’s done anything wrong.
Why is it that when we take our children out to do something “fun,” we try to prescribe what they do? When it is the weekend? When we have the whole day before us? What harm is there in eating a snack before the water slides or lingering over the rock climbers?
It’s so hard for us—for me—to turn off the automatic pilot. To stop hurrying. Stop rushing. Leave behind the stress. To slow down. Let our children jump off the stoop 35 times when we really came to go to the museum or let them stop and run their fingers in the sidewalk cracks when we are supposed to be on our way to the park.
When my oldest daughter was two she received a box of hand-crafted, hand painted wooden alphabet blocks. “Rainbows!” she cried fascinated by the colorful ribbons, completely ignoring the present inside.
Instead of letting her enjoy what interested her most, I opened the block box and tried to draw her attention away from the ribbons.
I wanted the relative who bought my daughter the gift to feel like she had made a good choice and I was embarrassed that my toddler wasn’t more interested in the present.
Despite my best attempts, my toddler had no interest in the blocks. But she liked the ribbons so much she brought them to bed with her.
Trying to slow down
These days I am trying to slow down as a parent. I am trying to let go of my expectations of what I think my children “should” be doing during fun time.
When I unnecessarily start to rush my kids I force myself to bite my tongue. I tell myself to breathe, and I try to pay attention to why I am feeling the need to hurry.
All these years later we still have those wooden blocks, and still play with them. Now I understand that sometimes wrapping paper is more interesting than the present inside. My daughter’s enjoyment of the present came later, on her own time
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Brette @ Putting It All on the Table says
It’s hard to slow down, especially when you sometimes feel your time is so limited for fun. Thanks for the reminder.
Living Large says
I agree, it’s always the best thing to let kids be kids and enjoy their wide eyed wonder at the world, not what we see as their fun.
Roxanne says
Agreed. Our HURRY culture makes me crazy. When I find myself feeling impatient, I try really hard to relax. Truly, what’s an extra few seconds or minutes or whatever going to matter?
Vera Marie Badertscher says
There’s a big difference between “kid time” and “adult time”, isn’t there? And it is so hard for us to bridge that divide.
Alexandra says
Recently I have been spending time with my daughter and her daughter. It is a real pleasure to see how she lets her daughter discover the local park, taking her time, and like to think that I managed somehow to communicate children need to go at their own pace, something I learned in the Vassar Nursery School program. The tendency is today’s world is quite the opposite.
Belle Wong says
I have always preferred to take my time whenever I can, but my husband’s the opposite. When we take our son out for a walk, we usually end up with my husband half a block ahead of us and then having to wait until we catch up! We’ve learned to balance our different styles when we do things together. When the three of us go grocery shopping, my husband mans the cart and tackles the main shopping list, while my son and I wander all over the store looking for interesting snacks to add to the cart. My husband is happy because he gets it all done efficiently, while my son and I are happy because we had fun!
ruth pennebaker says
What a lovely, insightful post. Thank you.
merr says
The headline alone is a good reminder for me.
HeatherL says
Thank goodness I am much better than slowing down with my grandchildren than I was with my own kids.
Jane Boursaw says
You know, my daughter is really good about this. I tend to be the one rushing, and she’s the one who’ll say, you know, Mom, let’s just sit on the couch and talk. I am so blessed.
johnny says
Great topic to write on! This is something all parents deal with, especially in this day in age where most family’s have 2 working parants. During the week we’ve started working on planning and strategizing more so we don’t have to rush as much and this really helps. Also we’ve dedicated one day a week for our child to pick something they want to do and let them do it guilt or rush free. If they want to go to the amusement park and go on the same ride over and over again, well we just let them and try to be patient with them.